Disregard The Fact That

women never take shit jobs like this.

 

Curtains up on girl in hot dog costume.

 

MANAGER: Now, your job is to do exactly what I tell you. Which is… uh… well, just wait a second. I need to go get the sheet telling me what to tell you to do. Wait here ’til I get back.

 

(Exit MANAGER)

 

(HDW stands alone on the sidewalk, looking equal parts disgusted, dejected, and bored).

 

HDW: (to nobody in particular) Oh, man. This job already blows, and I haven’t even started yet.

 

(A passerby enters stage right, whistling to themselves)

 

HDW: Oh boy. Here it comes.

 

PASSERBY 1: Hey! It’s a hot dog person! (laughing, pointing)

 

HDW: Damn it.

 

PASSERBY 1: Aren’t hot dogs s’posed to be happy?! Act like a real hot dog!

 

HDW: (Grimaces and does a little jig unenthusiastically)

 

PASSERBY 1: (Laughs like a moron) A dancing hot dog! And I thought I see’d everything! (Laughs again, leaves)

 

(Enter MANAGER)

 

MANAGER: (reading from a sheet robotically and far too loudly) GREETINGS NEW EMPLOYEE TO THIS HOT DOG VENDING FRANCHISE! HERE AT HOT DOGS WORLD WE ALWAYS LIKE TO DO WHAT’S RIGHT AND HAVE LOTS OF FUN DOING IT FOR THE CUSTOMER AND OURSELVES! (laughs stiffly) THIS JOB CAN BE VERY HARD. (beat) BUT IT IS WORTH IT FOR THE SENSE OF SATISFACTION YOU WILL FEEL AT THE END OF EACH WORK DAY HAVING EARNED EXACTLY FIVE REAL AMERICAN DOLLARS AN HOUR! IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT THIS JOB CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS AND SO EVEN THOUGH YOU MAY BE TEMPTED TO HAVE LOTS OF FUN IN YOUR NEW HOT DOGS WORLD REGULATION HOT DOG WEAR, YOU SHOULD REMAIN SERIOUS AND DEDICATED TO CUSTOMER SATISFACTION AT ALL TIMES THAT IS ALL. (eagerly) didja get all that? Should I read it again?

 

HDW: (beat, then hurriedly) No, no, that’s okay, really.